Failing to change is a function of exploration
Or: why imagination is the main thing missing from most behavior change attempts.
The human mind is sticky.
It clings to things.
We’ve all had the experience of hearing about some new idea and then seeing it everywhere—even where it didn’t really belong.
We’ve all had the experience of seeing some new gadget, piece of clothing, or book that we couldn’t stop thinking about until we had it.
This same pattern is seen in the realm of behavior.
We get hung up on certain activities and solutions to our problems.
For example, we want to learn how to better de-stress and we get it in our heads that the only way to accomplish this is through meditation.
Or we decide that in order to lose weight and be healthy we must eat a paleo diet.
Or we decide that, in order to further our career, we have to leave our current company—no matter what.
However, rarely is the first idea the best one.
The first idea that comes to mind will generally be determined by our context and the ideas contained within. If we’re getting lunch with our coworkers, for example, a couple of them might mention that they’re thinking about trying diet X or starting to meditate using Calm.com.
Later that day, if we decide that we’re going to embark on a de-stressing journey, it wouldn’t be surprising if meditation is the first thing to pop into our heads.
In addition, the top-of-mind ideas are likely to be those we encounter through advertisements—since nearly every environment, both physical and digital, is filled with pleas to use some product or service.
Even if we don’t always consciously register them, they’re inserting themselves in our mental rolodex, ready to be called forth when the need arises.
So, hopefully, you agree with me that the first idea is (probably) not the best one.
And, to be honest, the second one probably isn’t either.
What are the chances that, after discarding the first socially or advertisement cued idea, you’re going to think of the perfect solution for your current need?
You could get lucky. You could think of the absolutely perfect solution. But, if you’re like most people, the real solution to your problems is a few iterations away.
This is the pattern we see in the world of science and entrepreneurship.
Thomas Edison, for example, had to test over 6,000 vegetable fibers before discovering the right filament for his electric bulb.
In the startup world I operate in, it’s not uncommon to see founders go from one failure to another for well over a decade before eventually having their success.
The fact of the matter is that discovering solutions is hard—whether you’re doing it for yourself or for others.
For a solution to stick, it has to be:
Effective
(Relatively) Easy
Enjoyable
Exciting
If it’s not effective, then there’s no point in doing it. Solutions, by definition, have to be effective.
If it’s not relatively easy, then it’s unlikely you’re going to muster up the energy to do it.
If it’s not at least somewhat enjoyable, you’re much less likely to want to do it again.
And if it’s not exciting, you probably wouldn’t have tried it in the first place.
Finding a solution that has all of these things is hard, especially since most of these things are fairly personal. What’s easy for me won’t necessarily be easy for you. What’s enjoyable and exciting for you might not be enjoyable or exciting for me.
This means that you need to try more things that you’d expect to discover a solution that works for you.
It also means that you need to use your imagination more. You probably aren’t thinking of enough ideas/things you can try.
If you’re looking to de-stress, don’t just try the few things you’re seeing on Instagram and hearing about from your friends. Spend some time researching and thinking of as many ideas as possible. For example, if you’re looking to get in better shape, don’t just try running, cycling, or weightlifting/going to the gym. Also try:
Swimming
Swim team / an adult league
Water polo
Yoga
Pilates
Spin class
Soul Cycle
Peloton
Crossfit
Calisthenics
Knees-over-toes workout
Electro-muscle stimulation (like Katalyst)
Rollerblading / skating
Skateboarding
Surfing
Mountain biking
Carol Bike (REHIT training)
Rowing
Row machine
Canoeing
Kayaking
Sea kayaking
Rugby
Handball
Hockey
Roller
Ice
Ski-erging
Tennis
Martial arts
Karate
Boxing
Etc.
Volleyball
Beach volleyball
Dancing
Salsa
Swing
Hip hop
Etc.
Badminton
Padel
Pickleball
Basketball
Soccer
Rock climbing
Hiking
Ultimate frisbee
Kitesurfing
Triathlon
Walking your dog
Ice skating
Skiing
Snowboarding
Snowshoeing
I think you get the idea.
If you think you dislike exercising, and you haven’t attempted all of the above, then you still have plenty of exploration to do.
I firmly believe there’s an activity for everyone in every area of life that can help them achieve their goals in a sustainable and relatively enjoyable manner.
I think the big problem is that people don’t use their imaginations, and they also stop their explorations too early.
For every goal, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of behaviors or activities that could help accomplish that goal.
So if there’s something you want to achieve in life and you’re having a hard time getting there… it’s probably time to imagine and explore.