The error at the center of habit advice
The misunderstanding hindering major personal changes
In my previous article, I discussed how we often confuse two different types of recurring behaviors: habits and Transformative Practices.
Habits are routine behaviors that are performed automatically, requiring little or no conscious effort. They help us solve recurring problems, conserve energy, and manage routine tasks efficiently, freeing up mental resources for more demanding activities.
Transformative Practices are deliberate, effortful activities that involve focus, thought, and willpower. They challenge us to grow, learn, and improve by engaging our conscious minds. These practices often lead to personal growth, learning, or significant life change, but they require more energy and focus than habits.
Unfortunately, a lot of self-help literature fails to distinguish between the two. They wrongly label Transformative Practices as 'habits', misleading readers into thinking that these challenging, conscious activities will eventually become automatic. This fundamental misclassification is known as a category error, and it's at the root of a lot of unnecessary frustration.
In this case, it creates 3 big problems:
1. It makes people think it’s possible to, one day, automate challenging behaviors.
The implications of this error are far-reaching.
When you operate under the belief that it's possible to automate a Transformative Practice - a behavior that's inherently challenging and requires your conscious, deliberate effort - you set yourself up for failure. You end up selecting behaviors you don't particularly enjoy but think you should be doing because they’re potentially beneficial.
Maybe it's adhering to a strict diet that doesn't fit with your lifestyle or preferences, embarking on a rigorous exercise regime that you dread, or committing to a meditation practice when you can't stand sitting still. The thought process is something like, "I don't like doing this, but if I do it enough, it will become second nature. It will become a habit."
This isn't likely to end well.
Why? Because the more challenging a behavior is, the more important it is that you derive some intrinsic enjoyment or satisfaction from it. This enjoyment is what fuels you to keep engaging in the behavior, despite its difficulty. If you choose behaviors you don't enjoy, you're missing this crucial ingredient. You're setting yourself up for a struggle.
The stark reality of Transformative Practices is that they will not become automatic like habits. They will continue to demand your conscious effort and willpower for the indefinite future. Therefore, they need to be actions that you find inherently rewarding - behaviors that, despite their difficulty, you enjoy or value enough to keep pushing through. Otherwise, your attempts to instill these practices are going to falter.
So, the category error of labeling Transformative Practices as habits doesn't just mislead you about the nature of these behaviors. It also makes you more likely to select the wrong behaviors - ones you don't enjoy and are therefore unlikely to maintain in the long run.
2. It makes people use the wrong behavior change strategies and tactics.
So much of the habit formation literature is focused on streaks and thresholds:
Streaks: Do the behavior every day. Never miss more than 1 day at a time.
Thresholds: How many days in a row it takes for something to become habit-forming. 21 days? 30 days? 66 days? Longer?
Since Transformative Practices never become automatic, it doesn’t make sense to pay attention to streaks or thresholds. It doesn’t matter as much if you miss a day or two (or three). The behavior is never going to become automatic, so skipping some days won't impede its development as much. And it also doesn’t matter how many days in a row you do the behavior, since there is no magical threshold at which point things will become easy and reflexive.
Thus, these things become less central when dealing with Transformative Practices.
The same principle applies to triggers and environmental cues, such as setting reminders on your calendar, putting your floss next to your sink, or consistently working out at the same location each day. While these strategies can serve as helpful aids, their role is not as critical in the realm of Transformative Practices. Since these practices typically don't become automatic to the point of being effortlessly triggered or cued, investing significant effort in establishing perfect cues or triggers doesn’t yield as much benefit as it does in the context of habit formation.
While these strategies can still serve a supporting role, it's important to realize that Transformative Practices may require different or additional strategies that align with their inherent nature and the consistent conscious effort they require.
3. It sets people up for disappointment and demotivation.
Habitual behaviors, by their nature, become easier and more automatic over time. This is not the case with Transformative Practices.
A common mistake is that people expect their Transformative Practices to progressively become effortless and ultimately automatic, leading to disappointment and frustration when this expectation is not met.
While the inherent challenge of Transformative Practices doesn't vanish with time and repetition, it can potentially become less intimidating or overwhelming. It's crucial to understand that while these practices may become somewhat easier over time due to increased proficiency or familiarity, they will never reach a point of being effortless or automatic.
When individuals find these practices persistently difficult, they may feel demotivated, believing that they're doing something wrong. In reality, their struggle is not a personal failing, but a reflection of the demanding nature of Transformative Practices, and a misunderstanding of their role: they are not designed to become automatic, but to continually engage and challenge us.
This is one of the reasons why habit formation books are an enduring market. As long as this misunderstanding persists, people will continue to face disappointment and, sadly, self-criticism. The reality is, they're not failing at forming habits; they're trying to turn a practice that is inherently demanding and conscious into something it's not: an automatic behavior.
Habits are small, Transformative Practices are big
Hopefully, at this point, you're beginning to understand the difference between habits and Transformative Practices. To make things clearer, here are some examples of habits and Transformative Practices:
Examples of habits
Brushing your teeth every morning and evening.
Making your bed after waking up.
Drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning.
Taking a daily multivitamin.
Putting your keys, wallet, and phone in the same place when you get home.
Going to bed at the same time each night.
Opening Twitter or Instagram when bored.
Washing dishes immediately after meals.
Locking the front door when you leave home.
Putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket immediately.
Wearing a seatbelt when you get in a car.
Placing your phone face-down during meals.
Opening Doordash or UberEats when hungry.
Examples of Transformative Practices
Practicing mindfulness meditation daily.
Engaging in regular physical exercise that challenges your body.
Learning a new language and practicing it regularly.
Committing to a healthier diet and consciously making better food choices.
Reading educational or self-improvement books regularly.
Engaging in regular creative activities such as writing, painting, or playing a musical instrument.
Building a daily journaling practice, reflecting on your thoughts and feelings.
Setting and working towards financial goals, such as saving or investing a certain amount each month.
Regularly practicing public speaking to improve your communication skills.
Seeking out and cultivating new, meaningful relationships.
Regularly volunteering your time for a cause that you care about.
Practicing yoga or another mindful movement practice regularly.
Learning and practicing new skills related to your job or career.
Setting aside regular time for deep, focused work on a specific project or goal.
Regularly practicing gratitude by acknowledging what you are thankful for each day.
Taking regular digital detoxes, limiting your use of technology to increase productivity and reduce stress.
Learning how to cook and preparing healthy meals for yourself regularly.
Regularly setting aside time for reflection and self-evaluation, considering areas for personal growth.
Right understanding, right expectations
As you can see, habits generally involve relatively simple actions. These often require little (if any) conscious input and are frequently composed of straightforward, though sometimes multi-step, motor patterns—such as grabbing a cup of water, brushing teeth, swiping and tapping on a phone, or fastening a seatbelt.
While they can be quite beneficial (wearing a seatbelt can save your life), most of the time they will not have a large impact on your personal growth.
In order to really make the changes you desire, you most likely need to engage in some Transformative Practices.
But the good thing is that, with your new understanding, you can do this with your eyes wide open.
You understand that you’re never really going to automagically fly through your daily mindfulness meditation session, or rip through a strenuous workout in a near trance.
You understand that whatever you decide to do better be something you’re excited by and truly care about.
You understand that while the intensity of the effort required may decrease over time, there will always be an element of conscious engagement and challenge—since the struggle and the resulting personal growth is the entire point.
And this is the beauty of it all.
So how do you make sure you choose the right Transformative Practices for you?
We’ll cover that in an upcoming article.