For the past few decades, the behavioral sciences have largely focused on identifying broad, general principles that govern human behavior.
While these general rules can be interesting, they are often quite disappointing when taken out of the lab. It turns out that the behavior of college students isn’t always generalizable. When the lab results do translate into the real world, they often apply in the most marginal way imaginable. The effects of almost all academically studied behavioral science phenomena are usually tiny, not even close to transformative.
One quick example: In 2021, researchers published a paper investigating a phenomenon known as the Fresh Start Effect, which posits that people are more likely to take action towards a goal when they associate it with a new beginning, like a new year or birthday. This concept has received wide coverage in pop science articles and is even the focal point of the first chapter in the bestselling book How To Change by Katy Milkman of Wharton.
In this study, the researchers applied this concept to retirement savings, testing whether framing a decision to increase contributions to a savings plan as a 'fresh start' (such as at the recipient's next birthday or the first day of spring) could prompt people to save more.
Guess how much the researchers were able to increase the annual retirement savings of people who were enrolled in the company’s retirement program and making an average of $60,000/year?
The answer is between $102 and $132 a year—between $8.50 and $11 a month.
This was an effect that was published in a major behavioral science journal from a team consisting of researchers at Harvard Business School, Wharton, and UCLA Anderson.
It’s almost unbelievable.
And the researchers didn’t report their results in dollar terms. Instead, they only reported the basis point increase in retirement savings amounts. If you wanted to see the dollar figure, you had to find the average salary information earlier in the paper and calculate the figure yourself. Looking at the above numbers, I think it’s easy to understand why.
The behavioral sciences are, unfortunately, full of results like this. Most of the findings you’ll encounter in the literature are small. They apply to everyone. But, as the popular saying goes, “If it's for everyone, it's for no one."
This is why behavioral science based advice usually leaves people wanting.
People study the behavioral sciences to learn about what makes people tick, and how to solve hard personal or business behavior change problems. They’re looking for powerful tools that will move the needle.
They want things that will help them or the people they know save enough to retire—thousands and thousands of dollars, not $8.50 a month.
This is why, if you’re serious about making big changes in your behavior and your life, you should realize that most of the behavioral science research you hear about will not get you where you want to be. You wouldn’t be happy with a 1% or 2% increase in your reading behavior. You wouldn’t be happy about increasing the number of times you go to the gym by 1 visit every 3 months. Yet, if you uncritically follow the advice of studies like the one above, those are the types of results you’ll get.
These types of numbers may sound good to governments who are affecting hundreds of millions of people, but they aren’t good for individuals who are looking to make meaningful changes.
The fact of the matter is that individuals need individualized solutions. If you take these one-size-fits-all behavioral science tactics and copy and paste them into your life, they will in all likelihood not move the needle enough for you to make the changes you desire.
Unique people require unique solutions
To get the things you want, it’s important to first realize that you’re unique. You’re a unique combination of:
Interests
Personality traits
Talents
Skills
Life situations
Resources
Social connections
Goals
While it may sound trite, no one else on the planet shares all of the above with you. Even if you have an identical twin.
And all of the above factors interact in complex ways to shape our behaviors and choices.
For example, if you’re a Vice President at your company and making $500,000 a year, you’re going to be more likely to max out your 401k. After all, your favorable resources situation means that you are making more than enough money to cover your regular expenses. That extra $20,500 a year wouldn’t make a big difference in your life. You can stash it away with no problem.
You might also be more likely to max out your 401k if you have big retirement goals, friends who are really into saving, or if you’re really conscientious and organized with your money.
All of this is to say that different behaviors and different tactics are going to fit better with some people than others.
If you want to maximize what you can get out of life, it’s important to realize this and do everything you can to match the things you do with your unique makeup.
Self knowledge → Effective Change
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about habit formation and behavior change.
After listening to someone talk about their trials and tribulations, I will often ask them what they want. What are they looking to achieve? What’s their goal?
Most of the time, silence fills the air.
You can hear a pin drop.
What follows is usually a string of vague, halting statements.
“Well… you see, um, I just want…”
“I think it would be nice to have more… freedom. I guess what I’m looking for is…”
After a few minutes of back and forth, it often becomes clear that these people have not spent the time to figure out what they want. Sure, they have some vague desires that they’ve inherited from their social network (“make more money”, “buy a house”) or society at large (“get into business school”, “land a job at Google”), but they don’t have a clear picture of what they themselves actually want out of life.
Without a clear understanding of their true desires, individuals often opt for what is perceived as impressive or socially expected, such as:
Earning six-figures a year
Saving seven-figures
Purchasing a house
Getting admitted to business, law, or medical school
Having a lot of social media followers
Starting a company or side hustle
Getting married and starting a family
Climbing the corporate ladder
Landing a job at a brand name company like Google or Meta
To achieve these aspirations, they frequently resort to what is viewed as the latest trend or 'quick fix', such as:
Meditation
Digital detoxes
Launching a newsletter 🤣
Doing CrossFit
Breathwork exercises
Cold plunges
Cold showers
Zone 2 Cardio—running, cycling, etc.
Kale salads and juices
Micro-dosing
I think you get the idea.*
Most of us spend most of our lives with an external focus. We see what other people are doing and are rewarded for. We hear our family members and friends talk about how amazing so and so is, or point out how much money someone made. We see our friend get tons of likes and comments for their Tweets or Instagram posts. And we want the same approval and adulation. We assume that these things are what people should want.
So we outsource our desires and goals, and we look to see what the “experts” or our social network are doing to get these things.
It’s no surprise that we often fall short.
When you’re working towards someone else’s dream and doing things that don’t really call to you, how can you expect to be successful?
The first step for all meaningful and sustainable behavior change is to get clear on what you want.
Be honest with yourself.
If all of your friends are going into tech but you are absolutely fascinated by construction, sculpture, or fashion, follow your interests. Don’t let the crowd dictate what you do.
If you read a book that says everyone should start a running habit, but you truly hate jogging—do something else. Don’t assume that any given behavior is a necessity.
There are a nearly infinite number of life paths we can take, and a nearly infinite number of ways we can spend our time. It’s our job to really be honest with ourselves about what we want and the things we enjoy.
Here are some exercises I’ve found helpful for gaining clarity:
Clear purpose, clear mind
I’m not going to be able to write a comprehensive guide to gaining clarity on what you want in this article (that’s a job for a future series), but here are a few different things you can do to get started.
1. Call your parents
Ask them about what you were like as a kid. What were you obsessed with? What did you like most as a 2 year old, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 5 year old…?
Do they remember when you first told them what you wanted to be when you grew up?
What did you have a natural talent for? When did you surprise them by doing something impressive?
How would they describe your personality? Which 5 adjectives describe you best?
2. Call your siblings
Talk to your siblings, especially your older siblings. Ask them the same questions.
Do they remember what you were obsessed with?
What did they think you were really good at?
What did they always think you’d do when you grew up?
3. Call your friends
Talk to your friends from different phases of your life.
Still friends with people from elementary and middle school? Give them a ring.
Still friends with people from high school? Them too.
College? You get the idea.
4. Look at your purchase history
Look at all the things you’ve purchased over the years.
Look at your bookshelf.
Look at your Kindle library.
Spend some time looking back on the things you cared enough about to spend money on.
Our purchase decisions tell us a lot about our priorities. This is particularly true of our purchase decisions from when we were younger and had much less money.
5. Engage in a social fast
Remove yourself from social influence for a weekend. Put away your phone. Don’t check social media. Spend time with just yourself (or your family).
Each day, spend some time free writing.
Write about the times in your life when you felt the deepest sense of accomplishment.
Write about the times in your life you felt the most curious and the most in awe.
Write about your favorite books.
Write about your favorite movies and TV shows.
Write about your favorite courses or favorite teachers.
Write about what you thought your life would look like (when you were a kid).
If you’re in your 30s or 40s, write about what you would do differently if you were just starting your 20s.
If you’re in your 20s, write about your dream life situation in your 30s. What are you doing? Where are you living? Do you have a family? How do you spend your time? What’s the thing you’re most proud of?
The point of this exercise is to create pockets of time free of social pressure, and to let your mind spend its time thinking about the things you really enjoy.
Right purpose, right action
Once you have some clarity on what you truly desire, the next step is to choose activities that will help you achieve your desires in ways that fit you and your situation.
Most habit formation and behavior change content has people start with the behavior they want to do more of, and then gives them tactics they can use to increase the probability they follow through.
As you probably understand by now, this approach is doomed to failure.
Why?
Because most people choose goals and behaviors that they don’t really care about—in other words, they inherit the goals and behaviors from their social network.
Because trendy, one-size-fits-all behaviors are usually not a good fit for a person’s unique combination of interests, personality traits, talents, skills, life situations, resources, social connections, and goals.
The main determinant of whether someone consistently engages in a behavior is the behavior itself.
If someone chooses a behavior that fits their interests, personality traits, talents, skills, life situations, resources, social connections, and goals, they will do it consistently.
If someone chooses a behavior that does not fit their interests, personality traits, talents, skills, life situations, resources, social connections, and goals, they will NOT do it consistently.
This changes our focus from tactics (implementation intentions, “make it small”, add cues/triggers, add a reward, etc.) to behavior selection (what is the right thing for me to do to get X?).
Behaviors that are a good fit are those that score highly across what I call The 4Es:
Effective: Does the behavior help me accomplish one of my goals?
Exciting: Am I drawn to the behavior? Do I want to do it?
Enjoyable: Is the behavior fun? Do I like it?
Easy (relatively): Does the behavior match my strengths and life situation? It doesn’t need to actually be easy, but it shouldn’t be something that I really struggle with.
How a behavior scores across The 4 Es is going to depend on the person.
For example, let’s say the behavior we’re looking at is “Read a book a week”. If you’re a slow reader, this might be too difficult. You’d give the behavior a low score on the 4th E—Easy.
Let’s look at another behavior—playing soccer each week by joining the local club league. If you’re more of an introvert and feel uncomfortable meeting new people, this may not be enjoyable OR easy enough. Instead, you might decide to choose a behavior that is more solitary but gets you the same result (increasing cardiovascular fitness and losing weight).
As you can see, in order to properly score each of these items, we need to have an in-depth understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick. We need to have self knowledge about our:
Interests
Personality traits
Talents
Skills
Life situation
Resources
Social connections
Goals
Only on the foundation of self knowledge can we actually choose the right behaviors for ourselves.
*The business model of podcasts is recommending these new, trendy “life-changing” behaviors to their listeners and getting sponsorships from companies that sell the required tools, supplements, etc.